Am I a good mom?
If you’re asking this question, there’s a good chance you are.
So let’s talk basics, and to do this we can think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs was developed by Abraham Maslow in 1943. It presents a way to consider the needs of humans, with basic needs for survival on the bottom and more cerebral needs above. The theory is that in order to meet the higher needs, the lower needs must first be met. An example of this is when children experience trauma in the home, for example if they are physically unsafe, or hungry all of the time, their little brains will be entirely focused on their own safety and survival, and make them unlikely to be occupied with play, and learning, which we know is crucial to development in childhood.
In the graphic above, I’ve listed some examples of things you can do to make sure you are meeting your child’s needs at every level. Although it isn’t comprehensive, we can use it as a guide to assess if you’re on the right track! As I said above, if you’re asking the question, you’re doing the work to become a better parent.
Notice you don’t see things like “cut fruit into star shapes” or “only provide beautiful wooden toys.” Have you been comparing yourself to toxic, pinterest, mom-shaming culture? You have? Well trust me when I say that if you are feeding your little one fruit, you’re doing every bit as well as the mom cutting it into little stars. By the way if you like cutting fruit into stars that’s great too! You do you!
I had a mentor, a teacher of 30 years, and she had a sign on her door that said:
“Mediocrity: it takes half the time, and most people don’t notice the difference"
I used to find that annoying. Wasn’t stuff for little kids supposed to always look as cute as possible, and be perfect and adorable just like them? Now that I’ve been in the field so long, I am a big fan of the quick-and-dirty method of getting stuff done. Get the kids to sleep, to eat, to bathe, however you can and in whatever way works for you. (If you’re struggling with some of that stuff that is totally normal, and we can get more into making that easier in some other posts). Once they are fed, rested, and clean, you can do the real work, the meaningful and fun work,
TLDR:
You are a good mom if you feed your kids, dress them weather and season appropriate clothing, bathe them regularly, put them to bed, keep them safe at home and in the community.
You are a good mom if you play with your child. If you respond to them when they ask you questions and talk to you.
You are a good mom if you give your child predictable routines, and boundaries, if you offer them choices about their day (what book should we read before bed? Do you want to eat apples or oranges for your snack?) as often as you can.
You are a good mom if you for some reason can’t or don’t know how to do some of these things, but you’re on my page trying to learn.
You are a good mom.