Avoiding Power Struggles
Mama, I know you’re tired of repeating yourself over and over to your little one. You may have yelled, your child may have cried, and you may have both cried as you carried your struggling little one out of a grocery store or away from a park, feeling like all eyes were on you.
In my post today we’re going to talk about some ways you can prevent the struggle from happening. I’m going to be real with you, they still will happen! None of us are perfect, but you can always take a breath, and go back to one of these strategies.
What is a Power Struggle?
A power struggle happens when you give a firm direction, your child refuses to comply, and you are stuck in a yes-no battle. Spoiler alert: you will never win. For example, let’s say you tell your child “time to put away the toys” and your child says “no!” You have that moment where you just know it is going to be a tantrum if you push it. This is a power struggle. These often happen when you’re moving between, or transitioning, between activities.
Four Tips to Prevent or Derail a Power Struggle.
Give warnings: Let your child know 1-3 minutes before a transition is going to happen, and make sure you let them know what will happen next.
“1 more minute then we are leaving the park to have our snack”
In 3 minutes we are going to clean up the play dough and put on our shoes”
Add Incentives into Difficult Transitions:
“In 3 minutes we’re going to clean up play dough. Do you want to listen to baby shark while we clean up?"
“In one more minute we are leaving the park to have snack. I can give you a piggy back ride!”
Give Choices:
“In one more minute we are leaving the park to have snack. Do you want to race to the car, or hop like bunnies?”
“In three more minutes we are putting our shoes on. Do you want to wear your blue Nikes or your rain boots?”
Do Something fun After: Planning something fun after a task your child doesn’t want to do sets you up for success. If they get upset, you can wait them out; eventually a quick boring task followed by something they want to do doesn’t seem too bad!
“After we clean up our toys, we can watch an iPad video.”
After we put the baby down for a nap, we can color together!”
“After we finish our lunch, we can read your special book”
Power struggles can truly be one of the most difficult and frustrating situations! I know it was for me when I was teaching, and they can be unexpected. If you find yourself in gridlock with your child, try one of these strategies to help them work through it. If you’d like more, I created a free resource below to help you remember some tools to get out of a power struggle. You can download it, and keep it on your phone, or post it on your fridge. Let me know if it’s helpful for you!
As always, my inbox is always open. I’m here to help!
You can do this!