How to Use Role Play to Manage Your Child’s Impulsive Behavior
In this post we will go over one playful way to help your child manage their impulses.
So your son got invited to a play date. Congratulations! That is super exciting, your child is making friends. In the back of your mind though, maybe you’re feeling worried or anxious, because you know he does not do well with sharing. You’ve seen it play out at home with his brother, and at preschool. A child touches the toy he’s using, or tries to move a block he placed on a tower (he’s so particular about his blocks!) and before you know it, he threw the toy, or hit his friend, or shoved them, and now everyone is crying.
This happens so fast - it’s impulsive! Impulsive behaviors can be hard to change, because they feel impossible to get a hold of. You just can’t get there in time to prevent the behavior from happening. This can cause you anxiety, frustration. Maybe you feel you need to resort to punishing the behavior. Today, we’re going to talk about one effective strategy to improve impulsive behavior, without punishing it, and that is role playing.
What is Role Playing?
Role playing is acting out a scenario or behavior, in order to practice appropriate responses. Role playing is amazing, because through practice, we can actually change the wiring of the brain. There’s a saying in neuroscience “what you practice grows stronger” and this is true for any behavior. Role playing helps our children practice different responses when they are triggered.
How to Plan Effective Role Play
Choose a trigger: When you start out, I recommend choosing a specific trigger, such as sharing blocks, not getting to go first, or giving your child the wrong color plate or cup. Pick one thing that you know almost always results in challenging behavior.
Teach them what you want them to do instead: If it’s sharing blocks, maybe you want them to say “please don’t touch that one” and offer a different block to their friend. With something like not getting to go first, the behavior you want to see is probably accepting it. In this case have them practice a coping strategy like taking a deep breath and saying to themself “maybe next time!” Make sure to specifically teach this to them so they know what to do! Do a role play where you pretend to be them, to model what they should do when the trigger happens.
Review, remind, and reinforce the behavior: You can now practice this throughout the day by doing these three things.
Review: go over the appropriate response before the role play. This is a crucial step if there is already an establishes response that you’re trying to change.
Remind: Give a warning that the trigger is about to happen. This sets your child up for success, and allows us to start changing the response to the trigger by preventing the impulsivity and giving space for your child to think.
Reinforce: reward your child for performing the replacement behavior you wanted to see. This is what seals the deal in terms of changing the brain! It can be anything your child loves like kisses, tickles, high fives, or a dance party.
Example:
(Review) Adult: Ok now I’m going to move the block. Do you remember what to say if I move it and you don’t like that? You say (Remind) “Please don’t move that” and then you give me a different one!
Child: Ok!
Adult: Ok here I go! (moves the block)
Child: Please don’t move that! (hands adult block) You can put this one on.
(Reinforce) Adult: WOW!! Thank you so much (tickle, be silly, jump up and down, make a BIG FREAKIN’ DEAL out of this behavior because this opportunity to practice and be rewarded is where behavior change lives!!!! You’re doing it!)
Here is a video that shows what this might look like. Remember, for kids who have already established a challenging behavior in response to the trigger, we need to first remind them of the expectation before going into the role play!!
What’s Next?
Remember that changing the brain is HARD and SLOW work. This takes a lot of time and a lot of practice, and you should expect slip ups! As your child gets better at this skill, you’ll change when you remind them of the expectation, and warning that you’re going to do the thing they don’t like. For example, once your child is having fun and pretty automatically giving the response you want, you’ll start saying “while we’re playing blocks today, I’m going to move one….” then maybe do it every 2-5 minutes of play.
Conclusion
Role playing is a powerful tool for behavior change, because slow and repetitive practice actually changes the brain. Exposing your child to triggers over and over and having them practice a new response, eventually helps them use that response more automatically. Is this a magic cure for impulsivity? NO! You will still probably get frustrated, embarrassed, or angry, but having the tools to create long lasting behavior change is what we are about here. You CAN help your child to thrive at home, play dates, and school by bringing this practice into your daily routines.
If you need help figuring out how to make this work for you, my inbox, facebook, and DMs are always open! You got this, mama. I believe in you!