What’s The Problem With Positive Parenting?
Unpopular opinion: positive parenting is not the only way to be a good parent.
Unpopular opinion: if positive parenting isn’t working for you, throw it out the window.
In recent years we’ve seen a huge shift in how people parent. We’ve seen huge change in the way we as a society (in the United States at least) approach discipline, and interactions with our students and children. Some of this is good! Learn more and do better, but today I read a post on a positive parenting site that said effectively if you tell your child “good job” then you are “stealing their joy".” Um…ok. There’s a lot of judgement out there masquerading as parenting tips, and I’m not ok with that.
From the positive parenting website:
Positive Parenting is an idea based on the assumption that all children are born good, are altruistic and desire to do the right thing […] Positive Parenting teaches discipline that builds your children's self-esteem, while at the same time correcting their misbehavior. With a relationship built on trust and mutual respect, you will retain a positive influence with your children through their teen years and into adulthood.
So what’s the issue? If positive parenting styles resonate with you then that’s great! Keep using them. Use any strategy that feels right to you! And to be clear, I actually follow a lot of the positive parenting philosophies myself, so I’m in no way discouraging anyone from using these tools.
What I dislike for parents, is feeling that if a particular (trending) parenting style or philosophy doesn’t work for them that they aren’t good parents.
If you feel like you’re:
Trying to follow a parenting style but having trouble actually making change.
Feeling guilty because a strategy or communication style isn’t working for you.
Feeling burnt out from working and working to use tools that don’t make sense or don’t feel right.
Feeling angry, frustrated, or disconnected from yourself and your personal values.
These are signs that your plan isn’t working for you. Throw it out the window, start fresh. This is your permission to use time out if you need to, use an angry voice sometimes, make room for your own feelings and needs, and have an actual human and messy relationship with your child.
If you want support making a plan that truly works for you, feels right and simple to follow, and gets you the results you want, reach out!
You’re a good mom.
-Claire
Want to know more about what WILL work for you? Take the quiz below to uncover your parenting style, and the next three steps you can take to step into your best mama-self.